I’m out $159, but at least I didn’t end up going to jail. I guess I missed the memo that announced the texting-while-driving crackdown. In my own defense, I was a little distracted that day. It happened a few weeks ago. My boss, who is also my girlfriend, called me into her office as usual for our 3 p.m. “meeting”, but this time her blouse wasn’t unbuttoned. I knew right away something was wrong. Well, it seems one of the owners was getting suspicious and starting asking around. I didn’t think anyone knew, but I guess I underestimated by workmates. They had figured it out maybe two days after it started, though I’m not sure quite how. Anyway, you can’t keep this kind of thing secret for long.
In her office, she sits me down and tells me about her encounter with her boss. I naturally assumed that he had read her the riot act and that she was shutting us down. Well, not exactly. Seems he wasn’t angry – he just wanted a piece of the action. I’m not sure, but I think that’s called blackmail. She asked me if I minded “sharing”. By this time, I felt like my head had been stuffed with cotton candy. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she told me she “really, really” needed the job. Now I may not be the sharpest pencil in the box, but I really, really got uncomfortable at that point. I stammered something incoherently and got out of the office as quickly as I could.
I knew I’d have to find a new job and move out of my girlfriend’s apartment. I carefully deleted all the files on my computer and then ran the computer’s disk organizer. As that executed, I emptied out my file folders and ran the papers through the shredder. I hit the pavement around 4 p.m. and started driving around in my car. In a flash of inspiration, I pulled out my smartphone and entered a search for San Diego homes for sale. As the results started coming up, I saw the lights and heard the siren. The policeman pulled me over and gave me a very disapproving look, then wrote a ticket that carried a $159 fine. Looking back on the whole episode – the affair with the boss, the blackmail, the humiliation, the job loss – I felt like I really learned something important: don’t text and drive!